Digging Hearts

First, Thanks to all of the support from Fitzgerald's bike shop, to friends, and most importantly Mike. Without your support I probably would not have as great of a day- thank you.

Jay P’s Backyard Pursuit words cannot describe the experience or the range of emotions at these “events.” They are inherently challenging and he must have a connection with the weather gods. After Pierre’s Hole riding was at the bottom of my to do list. Life came fast with, moving in with my love, a total eclipse, best friend’s wedding in North Carolina, and a surprise party for Mike.  It took my body more time to recover from Pierre’s than expected and while recovering I took two hard falls. I just was not able to get much time in the saddle before the Pursuit.

Two weeks out I told myself that if the weather was going to be cold and rainy I would I ride the 60 mile. I wrote myself a permission slip. Ten days out the forecast was good, sunny with highs in the 50s. A week before we received our second snow of the season. Now it was enough to ski September snow. A group was going skiing, I was going along because I wanted to be apart of the group. Mike asked, want to ride your bike? My heart lit up, I could ride snow! I still do not understand why riding on snow makes me so happy, but it fills my soul like nothing else. In that moment when I embraced winter in September I also embraced the Pursuit.

The week leading up I still had moments of What am I doing?! I do not have to do this. I dug out my winter gear. As I am pulling my gear I realize I have pulled what I wore for the WINTER Pursuit, I thought to myself Nan this is a bit of overkill.

I was able to help Tracey with registration, which was tons of fun and it kept me focused on something. Talking with people who had the same concerns that I have helped to ease my worries. There was an older gentleman who looked more like a rancher than biker. As I was checking him in he said that he had just started riding his bike 6 weeks ago and this was his first race! He asked what a Swag Bag was. I could tell that he was soaking this experience up with the wide grin. As the evening progressed energy was building.

I awoke at 5:10 to the sound of a coffee grinder in the house. I get up, get dressed, and wander over to breakfast. I sit with guys talking about other gravel and bikepacking races. I am intimidated by my lack of experience. At the start line I look around to see who the other women are. The roster online listed several strong women that I was honored to be riding with.
I did not use my permission slip to ride the 60 but I was using it not to race. I was going out for a 120 mile ride. Looking around I had more gear on my bike than most, I honestly do not like being cold nor do I handle it well thus I am prepared. Full set of rain gear, fleece gloves with dish gloves to go over, bread bags for my feet, extra fleece, extra light, and handwarmers. The first hour or so I am trying to find my rhythm. The gravel is lose catches my tires and sending me for a one second rodeo rides. It reminded me  of the Fat Pursuit. Thankfully, this Pursuit the surface became more consistent. I forgot my heart rate monitor, I do not have something telling me how hard I am working, I must think about it! The first few hours flew by I was having a great ride. I did take one fall, I was trying to do many things on my bike. I got back on my bike and kept going. I passed the 60 mile mark right at 5 hours, I was feeling wonderful! If I was able to keep the same pace I would finish in 10 hours! That is a BIG assumption that I could hold the same pace but I was feeling good. 

On the way up Two Top I finally see Mike! We stop for a quick hello and air kiss. Business time. When the route turns for the two track I grin. The grade kicks up. I am in granny gear, looking about 25 feet in front of me to pick my line. I cannot look too far out or doubt takes over. Throughout, the day I keep asking myself, I am getting warmer or colder or able to maintain my body temperature? I change layers as needed but trying not to stop too often.  The trees give way to the alpine. I see someone in the distance who is putting a coat. I arrive, it is Kellie Nelson! One of the ladies I am honored to be riding with! I also put on my rain coat as the exposure has my temperature cooling. Finding the balance of when to add layers is almost an art form, I am using my theory of: Be warm Stay warm. Two Top is wild place. One must want to be out there to make it to the top, no easy paths to get there. I had to dig deep to get there in the process loss my appetite and the “bad” weather had officially moved in. The double track goes on for a bit longer then there is a “off trail” section. This is a path used by snowmobiles in winter but in summer it is not trail or path it is undergrowth. I enjoy walking my bike as I am able to use different muscles and stretch out my back a bit. I cross the marsh trying not to get my feet wet or fall. This is when I started to ask myself, what am I doing on bike out here. Thankfully the section was not long and Mike rode up at the end. He said, “You are two minutes behind second place!” I did not believe Mike, he must have missed a lady or two. Mike saying that pulled me into the race mode! I did stop to put on my rain paints as my legs were starting to get wet and knew that I was in for a fun descent off the mountain. I was able to eat a Kate’s Bar but was running low on food. I felt fine but I knew that I had created a hole that I was probably going to catch up with me before the end.

I arrive the valley floor at about mile 90, 30 miles left. I know this is go time but my tank was starting to run low. I was warm and enjoying riding. I have no idea how hard it was raining, all I recall is that it was wet. I arrive at the last aid station. Jay, Mike, Kellie, and a few other races are there. I grab two GUs packets a bit of water and I am out. I knew that if I stopped I would cool down and make life harder. As it turned out I passed a number of riders there, I had no idea, I was in go mode. I had 17 miles mostly flat but a few small climbs. I take off before Kellie, she quickly catches me. I pull in front of her but she pushes harder. I knew I could not maintain that pace for 17 miles on what I had in the gas tank. I was able to keep her in sight for about 5 miles. My belly starts to cramp. I try to keep a good pace but the small climbs zap me. I pass the spot where I first met Mike and bird sang, my heart warmed. I made the turn for Chick Creek, I thought back to Fat Pursuit when I towed in two friends of mine how much fun that ride was. On this ride I was solo, pushing myself no hooting and hollering of joy of the insanity. The last turn was on to a road with large pot holes that were filled with water. My speed dropped and the pain increased. I crossed the line at 11 hours and 2 minutes. Tracey and Eric were there and she said that I placed third! I earned a belt bucket! I cried. I came into the Pursuit wanting to finish and somehow it turned into something more.

Ben Weaver a fellow traveler wrote a poem titled Digging Hearts and read it us before the start of the race. The last stanza struck me:

These digging hearts pull a thread 
through our stories
they make us a community of adventurers 
rather than lone lost conquerors 
may we never stop feeding them 
may they never stop digging 
never stop pushing us to our infinite limits,
may we all be unified in this pursuit
at the edge of this island wilderness,
in Jay P’s backyard 
may we all ride forward.


Other thoughts:
I rode my Ti Vaya bike. Jay fitted me for it 5 years ago when I rode across the country. Of my bikes this one holds the closest place to my heart.

I am starting realize that I am decent at climbing.

Eat and drink more than you think you should. Every bite and drink will help prevent digging a hole. 

Aaron Gardner's plan works, show up to finish do not worry about placing, it works! 

10 Months Later...

Tomorrow is the 120 mile Gravel Pursuit, I have the same feelings that I did ten months ago before my first Fat Pursuit. What in the heck am I doing, why? Then, the Fat Pursuit was one my favorite and by far hardest day on my bike. Conditions were challenging to say the least. The Gravel Pursuit weather outlook is almost as grim as it was the Fat Pursuit. Why I am excited about tomorrow? Maybe my screws are loose or I have extra coocoo in my clock. After the Fat Pursuit last year, I was so inspired. I saw and felt something I do not often feel. I saw how resilient humans can be. I am not sure how many days I biked but I only skied two days. I had friends texted me, it snowed three feet you must be skiing, nope I went for ride.  I rode to grow my resilience. In August, I moved in with my sweetie (who I met at the Fat Pursuit 😊), the move took more than I expected. My motivation to ride was very low. I started to question this Pursuit, would I be able to do it? Should I do? My last race did not go as planned and took me month to recover.  Last week, it snowed over a foot in the mountains. Snow typically means skiing. A group of us were getting ready to go ski, my heart was not excited to ski. Mike asked if I would like to go for a fat bike ride. My heart instantly lit up. As I pulled water bottles to fill I grabbed my winter ones and I started to dance with joy. That was the moment I knew that I was ready for this challenge. Tomorrow without a doubt will challenge me to the core but I know it will make a better person. 

Bridges

Bridges

I am going to be honest, riding bridges freaks me out. Years ago, I was on climbing and biking trip in Squamish and Whistler. My friend was new to riding, we found ourselves on trail with lots of bridges that were close to the ground. Most bridges I walked. I think as the day went on I walked more and more. I regressed in my bridge fear. I get in my head about certain features, such as bridges or creek crossings. When I see a bridge my gut reaction is negative. When I do ride a bridge today, I ALWAYS think don’t fall off or it is going to really bad. There are too many bridges in the Tetons, which is mostly good. The downside, it is skill that I can ignore. Over the years I have gotten a bit better, I ride many bridges but I am still freaked out. Shark’s Belly trail has a few bridges. There are two bridges that are easy and the third is long split log bridge (which is sketchy to walk). Last summer I told myself I would work on riding the bridges. I made up silly excuses  not work on my goal such as I am working a backpacking trip in 4 weeks, I can’t get hurt. I never really tried to ride these. Last week, I rode Shark’s Belly for the first time this season. I approached the split log bridge, felt great, and rode with confidence! I hooted and hollered at the end.  I rode the other two bridges fine! The small yet steep and muddy creek crossing I walked, progress. 

What I have learned, I am working on the negative voices in my head. Keep working on visualizing me riding. Be compassionate with myself, it is ok to be a work in progress as long I am working. We all have strength and growth points it is good to acknowledge both. I am good and enjoy long rides. I am working on riding bridges without freaking out. Riding the bridges on Shark’s Belly is step in my progress and with that I celebrate the progress that I made.

How to share a podium with Rebecca Rusch and Amy Stewart (two of the strongest ladies around)- show up. No really, I am not fast rider but I showed up. This past weekend I raced in Frosty Fat Bike Race in Sun Valley. I met Erin a few weeks ago, at a local race. She asked if anyone was going to the Frosty race. Just like in college when Thad asked if I had any plans for a weekend to go to race I said no, sure I will go. Both instances, I did not know what expect but went into with an open mind. I signed up for the women’s “expert” class, I wanted to do the longer distance having no idea what “expert” class meant.

I headed to Sun Valley. The conditions were looking good, cold and firm. The start of the race was about 5 degrees. The course was two loops about 10 miles each, big climb, down, then up a canyon with rolling hills. The cold dry air felt like a knife cutting my lungs. I was starting to pass folks towards the top. Started heading down the hill made it about half way. I heard one of my tires went flat. My thoughts were, this might take a while, it has been a long time since my last flat. I look at the tire and realize that I had not closed the valve when I added air before the race. Blonde moment, check! Then, relief that there was a chance the seal was good. Several minutes later I was on my way not having to replace the tube. Most of the pack had passed me. I set a goal not to be the last person racing, the last two races I was the last person.

The weather was just lovely. The riding was gorgeous. I reached my goal as I passed two people. At the awards I realized that I could podium. I enjoy races for the chance to push myself. As it turned out I showed up and placed third of three. I had a feeling the Rebecca Rush would be at her hometown race. I figured that a few other strong locals would show up, they stayed at home. Yes, I have been riding and working hard this winter with the goal of being able to rider further. For this race, I showed up, I made huge mistake that cost me about 10 minutes, kept going and podiumed. Once again, I learned the lesson of showing up. Showing up can be hard however, the reward can be even sweeter.  

   

Jay's Backyard Fat Pursuit

All pictures were taken by Jamye Chrisman, thanks!

Jay P’s Fat Bike Pursuit, this race should make most people shake in their $350 Wolvhammer boots. When I signed up I was expecting a ride that would take 6-8hours. This year that would have been winning time.

I started to look at the weather about week before the event and almost pooped my pants. The forecasted low for the night before was -10. I kept checking the weather throughout the week and it kept going colder. The only time I spent in temps below 0 was walking to my truck. Thankfully I am gear head so I had tons of options for clothes and other systems. On top of the cold weather, my beloved tires Jumbo Jim where showing major wear. It is not ideal to change tires before a big event but I also wanted to have confidence in my gear. I bit the bullet and bought new tires. Both options were a gamble but I felt new tires were the less risky option. I know that I could keep my hands warm to about 5 above, but if I was lucky that would be the high for the Pursuit. The few days leading up to the Pursuit it was in the 30s so I could not test systems. I watched video that where Jay suggested wearing a base layer, fleece, and wind jacket, saying that he uses the same system at 0 and -20. I thought he was nuts thinking maybe his body is better at cold temps. I chose his system plus a thin puffy and shell jacket. I did plan to take those off when I got warm.

The week leading up I kept thinking about different systems for water, food, clothes, hands, feet, skin, etc. I kept asking myself at what point is it going to be too cold? I finally came up with my goals for the Pursuit, 1^st stay safe no frostbite, 2^nd learn more about riding in cold temps, 3^rd have fun, 4^th don’t have expectations on finishing but rather on staying self-sufficient.

Saturday morning. When I went outside to grab my bike it was -20 but it didn’t feel crazy cold. I got ready put my light and Garmin on my bike. Typically before a big ride I get nervous belly, it was not too bad. I head over the start line, I am feeling good. A bit worried about tire pressure, being a new tires I was not sure how long I could before the seal would go. I went to turn on my light and Garmin both were not going to have it in the cold. Thankfully I had an extra light not as bright as I would like. When the race started I was warm. My core warmed up quickly and my feet were getting colder. I stopped about ten minutes into the race to adjust layers and add toe warmers to the top of my boots. I did not want to stop and be “that person” but I knew I needed to stop to reach my goals. Rule #1 no sweating! I got back on a few minutes later. Jay was correct and still crazy but for other reasons.

Once I was riding again I had to play the game of passing. For the most part there was one track to ride in, outside of the track was mash potatoes. I stopped about 45 minutes into the race to drink water and grab a snack. I pulled string cheese. It was starting to freeze, I would take a bite and let thaw. I passed my buddy Frank. I was a bit worried about him, he is much stronger rider than me. Got to the first check point about 10:40. I was feeling good. No reason to turn around. Downed warm water and took off. It took me a while to realize that I was on the climb. By this point the riders had spread out a good bit. Almost at the top by Frank passed me. Turns out he had flat and did not realize it! Gotta love fat bikes.

               

The climb was breathe taking beautiful, the sky was blue bird. It had been a while since I had seen the sun. The trees were all dressed up in snow, they had a heavy coat of snow. I could have stopped enjoyed the sun for an hour, knew that the day was going to long so I just kept going.

I reached the top and was feeling good. I was excited for the downhill.  Then the 4 inch wide track went soft. I could ride for a bit then I would walk. Trying to find the balance between pushing and riding. The riding required perfect balance, upper body and core had to completly engaged to ride. In this section I was not keeping up with time and thus not drinking and eating on a regular bases. I could feel myself slowing down. I passed a sign that stated the lodge is 15 miles back which meant I had over 20 miles to go. I wanted to cry, walking 20 miles with bike is not what I signed up for but there was a chance that I could happen. By mid-afternoon I calculated that I was about 5-7 miles away from the second checkpoint which would be about 2 hours. I kept going and increased my water and calorie intake, I started to feel better. My arms were starting to scream, sharp pain from being so gripped. I remembered that I could lift my handle bars. I first thought about doing that at the checkpoint then decided that I should do it sooner. This was not ideal, taking apart my bike. As I took I was working on my bike Jay the race director came by he looked very worried about me. I had done the same thing trailside this summer so I felt good about it. 20 minutes later I was chilled and in a much better rider position. I was able to warm up quickly. When Jay stopped by he said that we have about 8 miles to till the check point. I was far off on my desistance calculation. The only thing I could do was keep going. I was passed by a number of people including my buddy Zack while fusing with my bike. The price of learning is time.

I still had to walk a good bit. I made the last turn towards the checkpoint. Then the snow got even softer. At times I could ride then I would break though the crust. I let a little more air out. I was almost out of water. My lungs were starting to hurt, what I image an asthma attack would feel like. I eventually came across Zack. We rode and walked together for a bit. It was getting dark. We both talked wanting the day to be over and how much we wanted to hit the EZ button. My lights on my handle bars were dead. I last minute tossed in my headlamp. I kept thinking, how I could ride with my helmet and handlamp. Not wanting to waste more time I took off my helmet and used my handlamp. I reasoned with myself, when I was riding I was going 3-4 miles per hour- I run faster and not seeing would be a greater risk than no helmet. Zack pulled away once again I was alone.

I tried to open my water bottle for the last bit water at 5:30 and I could not open it. I wanted to cry. No idea how far the checkpoint. I was so exhausted and ready to be done. Then about 5:50 I could hear a snowmobile coming. The guy was helping with the race asked if I was ok. I responded yes. He said that the aid station was up ahead. I almost cried for the 100^th time. I remember thinking, someone cares! Then my next thought was, come on Nan people care I just can’t see it right now.

I pull into the checkpoint! Zack greets me saying that we have to keep going. Then I see Bryon another friend. Bryon did not look well, lights were on but not sure if he was home. I down a half liter of water quickly. I was given hot chocolate. Bryon was walking around with his puffy coat in his hands. I asked how could I help, he asked me to help him get his coat on. The folks working the checkpoint were helping others and keeping things warm. I eat some, drink more water I did not really stop I kept moving. Zach says that he is going to keep moving and Bryon wants to join us. The guys said that it would take about 2 hours to ride. I wondered how was the trail? Does 2 hours include walking? It took me almost 2 hours to ride the same distance fresh.

When I got back on my bike I was in Nanland (my happy place). I was warm and recharged! I followed Bryon for bit, looking at his green frame lights thinking Green Machine! At some point I ended up front. The trail was firm and very pleasant. This was fun and what I wanted. Every few minutes I would hoot and holler. I kept thinking it is about to pizza time and no longer business time! Zach’s break had a very loud squeak. I tried not to go so fast so I could not hear him. When we left together I knew that the safest thing was to stay together. At times we would stop and I would give them some of my food. When I left the checkpoint I was not sure how long I would stay in Nanland but with the trail in great condition I stayed there! When we made the turn to go along the powerline I stopped hooted and holler more. Again I almost cried this time from joy!

When I crossed the finish line I gave a huge fist pump and my good friend Jamye was there! She gave me a huge hug. I told her that our friends were with me! We finished in 10:45 hours! A bit longer than we expected. We were filled with many different emotions. We rode up to the lodge and Gary (Jamye’s husband) greeted us. He gave me a great big hug. We did it! I went inside and more friends were there. I went to take off my balaclava and my hair was frozen to it, Frank helped to pull it off.

In the end I reached my goals: I stayed warm, I learned a lot, mostly had fun, and somehow finished. The guys where eating when I arrived. We talked about how challenging the day had been. I believe two years ago the winning time was 3 hours, last year just over 4 hours, this year 6.5 hours. The soft conditions got everyone not just me. Overall the Pursuit was a Pursuit and not a race for me. I was the last female to finish. I am proud that I finished and what I learned.

Looking back lessons learned.

                -Riding at -20 is not much different than riding at 0

                -Long rides in soft conditions go more upright

                -The conditions can get worse or better

                -Toewarmers in the front of boots are a great trick

                -Lithium-Ion batteries do not function in the cold

Lessons reinforced

                -If something is bothering you stop and fix do not wait till it is too late

                -Do not sweat

                -Riding with people is way better than riding alone

                -There is more in me than I think

                -You never really know what the conditions are going to be 

A layperson review of Skookum

The Fatback Skookum

I am in completely and utterly in love with my Skookum fat bike.  If you would have told me five months ago that I would feel this way towards a fat bike I would have laughed.   My old cross-country bike was eight years old, elderly in the bike world. Then it was stolen.  I was heartbroken over losing my first love. Living in skiing heaven, I was one of those people that would say fat bikes aren’t bikes or winter is for skiing. Then with thanks to homeowners insurance, no adventure bike, and a recommendation from a friend I purchased a Skookum. I wanted a bike that could play a bit in the snow and needed to bikepack. I liked the idea of having a Bluto fork, not vital for snow but nice for bikepacking. My thoughts about tire width, were I think those belong on a mack truck.  As the Skookum came with Jumbo Jims, a hefty 4.8 inches with an aggressive lug pattern. When I got the bike, I wasn’t sure about this whole fat biking thing.  I thought it be a way to get outside when I couldn’t ski. Then a friend took me out for single track and my heart started to pitter patter. As winter went on I started to ride more, the more I would ride the more I would fall in love. By March a whole 6 weeks into my fat bike relationship I was biking more than skiing. I would meet a great group of folks who also have a few lose screws.

                Then in April I was invited to ride the Kokopelli trail. When I purchased the bike I thought about getting a second wheel set for summer/ adventure of 27.5+. When I committed to the ride I was traveling and would have 3 days to get my bike ready. Not enough time to sort out what I wanted in terms of tire and gearing. Instead of making quick and costly decisions I went for what I had. Going into this trip I was worried that Jumbo Jims were a bit too big and the gearing would be too hard for a loaded bike going up steep grades. Now, 150 miles later I am more in love. Once I figured out how to get the most clearance out of my seat post bag I was ready. Riding a small frame creates a huge space challenge.  Having less than an inch of clearance but with a bit of extra p-cord on the bag I was good to go. I was worried about the bike handling with weight. Reality, I rode up and down things I didn’t was possible. I will admit did notice weight when I was hike a biking. I was nervous that only having one 30 tooth chain ring would not be a great idea for bikepacking. Reality, 1x11 was great, the gearing was just right. For the long road climbs I added extra air and it wasn’t too bad. Once I got the massive wheels going I felt unstoppable. Going downhill was incredible! I didn’t think riding a loaded bike could be so much fun. The Jumbo Jims are so dang stable. I was able to carry speed well, which adds to the fun-o-meter. I have the 4 season G1 build. I switched to a trigger shifter, went to tubeless, and switched the saddle to a woman’s (that is a rant for another day). If I were to go on a ride with more gravel I think a smaller tire would be good choice. Overall, this bike and build is great for trails such as Kokopelli and single track snow.

The joys of fat tires

I was so very wrong about fat bikes. A fat bike is a bike with tires over 3 inches wide. In November my beloved Sunshine was stolen out of the back of my truck. I had just bought a new trail bike. Sunshine was going to be adventure bike, gravel and bikepacking. My homeowners insurance would cover replacement cost of my bike. I first thought about buying a plus (3 inch tires) size bike that I could still ride some snow and mostly adventure. Then the idea came, buy a fat bike and then second wheel set. I figured that I didn’t have much to lose. In January I test rode a fat bike before buying. Oh man, it kicked my butt. I liked it enough to open Pandora’s box. I ordered a Fat Back Skookum. I named the bike Sven, after the reindeer in Frozen.   From insurance I was able to order a Cadillac, carbon and Bluto fork.

I knew that tire PSI was key for success. My first few rides were not great. The conditions were a bit warm so traction was limited. Then a friend and I rode the single track in Victor, oh man, I was now hooked. Finally, I was able to align conditions and tire PSI. Fitz (local bike shop) was hosting group rides in the evening. I found my bike light and showed up. I am fairly sure I was a complete junk show. Figuring out layering for riding when it 10 out. Trying to keep up the group and not falling. One of the joys of riding on snow is getting flung off and wallowing in soft snow with no warning. I fell a few times. On the way back my light died. Thankfully someone had a backup! My world was just what I could see, everything else disappeared. The next morning, I was back in my happy place.

Next, I finally figured out the trails at Targhee and fell more in love. A friend told me about the Togwotee Pass Winter Classic. A 25 or 35 mile race on snowmobile trails. I felt like I was back in college racing. I have bought winter boots just for this race. I met a few other racers at breakfast. I had figured out how to carry water without it freezing for a 4 hour ride. Then about a half mile in my chain dropped into the spokes. I tried to pull then yank it out, no luck. Someone stopped to help me hold the bike, still no luck. I was forced to push my bike back to the lodge. After a bit I ran into a local who could help me. It took him 45 minutes to get the chain out, that fix was well above my pay grade. By the time my bike was ready the first round of folks were coming in. I went for a little out and back ride. Sad that I wasn’t able to ride but glad it happened at a half mile and not mile 15.

By the end of March, I was completely in love with Sven. Riding brought me joy that I hadn’t felt. I had a sense of adventure that was new. Skiing I love but biking brought me excitement and joy that skiing hasn’t. Fat biking kept me going this winter. I was going through some rough times with my family and job. Thank you to my friends who encouraged me with fat biking, I cannot tell you how much I owe you.  One of the best parts is that Sven isn’t just limited to snow.

Night riding, love the frost.

Targhee single track

pushing up to Mud Lake and making friends who are just as nuts as me. 

Bitch Creek, from my house =)