Lessons in Uncertainty

60 K Fat Pursuit 2017 Lessons in Uncertainty.

As humans we like things to be predictable and known. I am an uber planner, I like to picture something before doing it, I write down my grocery list, I plan things out months in advance. Uncertainty not my strong point. For anyone who has participated in any of Jay’s events gets a healthy dose of uncertainty. In September he had to reroute the course because too much snow on the course. Fat biking is so dependent on conditions, uncertainty. The winning times for the 60k range from 3 hours to 6.5 hours. The week leading up to the Pursuit started off optimistic for firm conditions. As the week progressed uncertainty started to creep in. In December the course had not been groomed yet, lack of snow. Jay and the Fityz crew groomed with snowmobiles. I packed food and gear for a long day. I was excited for the challenge of another epic day. Then the two-week high-pressure system broke and dropped 4-5 inches of snow the night before. Jay made an unexcepted call to reroute the course. The standard course is a lollipop, the new course would be two out and backs on the stick. A huge curve ball. I had to quickly change gears from a backcounty Pursuit to lap race.

The race starts. Somehow, I was towards the front of pack and was behind a solid rider who left a predictable track. In soft race conditions it is common for spontaneous and instant combustion aka just riding along and bam you are down. How the person leaves the track should be the determine if the person is going to heaven or hell. As the course turned on the road from the powerline section I hoped that the conditions would improve but I wasn’t sure. More uncertainty. The road conditions were only slightly improved. To stay balanced one must focus on the track. In this Pursuit there was no multitasking, drinking water and eating while riding was challenge. I felt balanced but could not push my pace. My mind did not wonder much but I was very much in Nanland. I enjoyed the challenge of staying balanced and keeping focus. When I would cross with other riders there was uncertainty on the etiquette on who had the right away. Most people were very respectable but there were a few that there was not a good option for either. This led to a number of instant combustion moments. As the day went on I was able to keep the same pace. I never felt that I was pushing body, asking for something that it did not have give. For me, it felt more like a ride rather than a race.

The day had a lot of uncertainty, but that did not stop me from having a blast. What has become the highlight was hearing people say “Nan, thanks for your smile and encouragement, it helped to keep me going.” I ask myself, why did I have some much in light of the challenge of uncertainty. My goals were still being met, I wanted to challenge myself, I wanted this race to help train me for the 200k coming up, I wanted to finish, and I wanted to be apart of community. Knowing that Jay’s events come with uncertainty I did not place expectations on the outcome. Now the challenge comes applying the lessons to life.

Other random comparisons from 2016 vs 2017.
-2016 raised my handle bar mid race. 2017 started the race with a taller height and was thankful. My upper body was not sore!
-Wider is better! I loved having 100 mil rims! Thanks Fitzy!
-2016 it was -20 it is easier to ride at cold temps. 2017 it was 25, I had to think about managing sweat.
-2016 I was just riding. 2017 I have started doing fitness classes to build strength and training, it makes a huge difference.

Photos were taken by the lovely Jamye Chrisman 

Saturday Night

Saturday night plans.
As you may already know, I have a few screws lose and I have an absurd love towards fat bikes. I am training for my first ultra-bike race, Jay P’s Fat Pursuit 200k in January. When I think about the race about half the time I am terrified and the other half excited. The idea of doing a winter overnighter came up to help prep for the race. I loved the idea! Mike talked with his friend Jason and his main partner in crime to join. This was my first winter overnighter from a bike. I have camped in the winter environment but it has been a while. I was a nervous about this ride.  The few days leading up to the ride the weather is a mix of rain and snow. Snow is much easier to deal with than rain, so there were lots of snow dances.

It just happened the day that worked best was Global Fat Bike Day! In the morning we joined the Fitzgerald’s crew for a huge group ride. It was awesome to ride with so many excited people. We headed home to get ready. The garage turned into a gear explosion of bike bags and camping gear. Camping gear is still mostly packed away so lots of questions, “Do you know where my ___ is?” We packed our rigs up and headed out at 7pm.  

Our route was from the house about 50 miles on the Jackpine Loop. In summer about ten miles of pavement and forty of gravel. The loop itself about 25 miles in winter is snowmobile heaven. Grooming of snowmobile trails has not started, we are in the tricky place between too much snow for cars and not enough for grooming. We were not sure what to expect for conditions, but that is standard for Jay’s races which is why we are doing the overnight.

The first fifteen miles were super icy. Earlier in the day, the sun came out and lightly melted the top layer. We joked that we forgot studs. It was very cautious and tense riding, however, it was lovely night. We got to the loop and started gaining elevation. At one point I see Mike go down, he was just riding along, and bam down. Thankfully he was fine. We had a few miles of snow with tire tracks. Then the snowmobile tracks started. The snow was getting deeper and softer. The challenge increased as our elevation increased. Not nearly as challenging as the 2016 60k Fat Pursuit. We only walked about 100 feet. It was great training. We reached the top and snowmobile tracks turned and we had a set of tire tracks! We started down. At one point the boys stop and I kept going. I came up on a moose! I waited for the boys. At about 11pm we found a place to call home for the night. 

Once at camp, I went into go mode. I put on my puffy jacket and pants, some might have these as luxury items but for me they are key to stay warm. I strongly believe in the mantra: be warm stay warm. Warming up in the winter takes so much so I don’t go there. I boiled water for dinner and tea. Mike and I shared dinner and headed to bed. I slept ok. I had to pee at 4am and thought about getting ready then but realized the boys were probably not ready to wake. I woke back up just before 7am. I boiled water for oats and coffee. I realized that we were winter glamping. The temperatures were warm just about freezing. I could pack and do most things with no gloves!

Jason's camp

Rover is camping!

Mr Smiles

We were back on our bikes by 8am. We were able to follow the same tracks! The snow was great, there were a few icy places.  On the way down my heart was overflowing with joy and excitement. Feeling that the race is within my ability. The race will still be hard but I know that I have the tools to be successful.  The Ashton-Tetonia Rail Trail is at the base of the loop. We took a detour to catch out Bitch Creek. It is one of my favorite places, there is a huge trestle bridge. We opted to take the Rail Trail back to Tetonia, we were not excited about the icy roads. We decided to support the local café, Badger Creek. I have had a number of post bike meals there. We did get a few strange looks walking in. We filled up on coffee and food.

Riding the Rail-Trail

Smiles for miles

Bitch Creek

Loving life

no smiles... NOT!

Someone is having a wheelie good time.

Rover in his element 

The boys BnB, it has a front porch! 

This overnighter was the prefect Saturday night. A bit of challenge and adventure with great friends. It is not everyday that I find someone who wants to spend Saturday night riding bikes and camping in the snow, I am so grateful for Mike and our lose screws.

Digging Hearts

First, Thanks to all of the support from Fitzgerald's bike shop, to friends, and most importantly Mike. Without your support I probably would not have as great of a day- thank you.

Jay P’s Backyard Pursuit words cannot describe the experience or the range of emotions at these “events.” They are inherently challenging and he must have a connection with the weather gods. After Pierre’s Hole riding was at the bottom of my to do list. Life came fast with, moving in with my love, a total eclipse, best friend’s wedding in North Carolina, and a surprise party for Mike.  It took my body more time to recover from Pierre’s than expected and while recovering I took two hard falls. I just was not able to get much time in the saddle before the Pursuit.

Two weeks out I told myself that if the weather was going to be cold and rainy I would I ride the 60 mile. I wrote myself a permission slip. Ten days out the forecast was good, sunny with highs in the 50s. A week before we received our second snow of the season. Now it was enough to ski September snow. A group was going skiing, I was going along because I wanted to be apart of the group. Mike asked, want to ride your bike? My heart lit up, I could ride snow! I still do not understand why riding on snow makes me so happy, but it fills my soul like nothing else. In that moment when I embraced winter in September I also embraced the Pursuit.

The week leading up I still had moments of What am I doing?! I do not have to do this. I dug out my winter gear. As I am pulling my gear I realize I have pulled what I wore for the WINTER Pursuit, I thought to myself Nan this is a bit of overkill.

I was able to help Tracey with registration, which was tons of fun and it kept me focused on something. Talking with people who had the same concerns that I have helped to ease my worries. There was an older gentleman who looked more like a rancher than biker. As I was checking him in he said that he had just started riding his bike 6 weeks ago and this was his first race! He asked what a Swag Bag was. I could tell that he was soaking this experience up with the wide grin. As the evening progressed energy was building.

I awoke at 5:10 to the sound of a coffee grinder in the house. I get up, get dressed, and wander over to breakfast. I sit with guys talking about other gravel and bikepacking races. I am intimidated by my lack of experience. At the start line I look around to see who the other women are. The roster online listed several strong women that I was honored to be riding with.
I did not use my permission slip to ride the 60 but I was using it not to race. I was going out for a 120 mile ride. Looking around I had more gear on my bike than most, I honestly do not like being cold nor do I handle it well thus I am prepared. Full set of rain gear, fleece gloves with dish gloves to go over, bread bags for my feet, extra fleece, extra light, and handwarmers. The first hour or so I am trying to find my rhythm. The gravel is lose catches my tires and sending me for a one second rodeo rides. It reminded me  of the Fat Pursuit. Thankfully, this Pursuit the surface became more consistent. I forgot my heart rate monitor, I do not have something telling me how hard I am working, I must think about it! The first few hours flew by I was having a great ride. I did take one fall, I was trying to do many things on my bike. I got back on my bike and kept going. I passed the 60 mile mark right at 5 hours, I was feeling wonderful! If I was able to keep the same pace I would finish in 10 hours! That is a BIG assumption that I could hold the same pace but I was feeling good. 

On the way up Two Top I finally see Mike! We stop for a quick hello and air kiss. Business time. When the route turns for the two track I grin. The grade kicks up. I am in granny gear, looking about 25 feet in front of me to pick my line. I cannot look too far out or doubt takes over. Throughout, the day I keep asking myself, I am getting warmer or colder or able to maintain my body temperature? I change layers as needed but trying not to stop too often.  The trees give way to the alpine. I see someone in the distance who is putting a coat. I arrive, it is Kellie Nelson! One of the ladies I am honored to be riding with! I also put on my rain coat as the exposure has my temperature cooling. Finding the balance of when to add layers is almost an art form, I am using my theory of: Be warm Stay warm. Two Top is wild place. One must want to be out there to make it to the top, no easy paths to get there. I had to dig deep to get there in the process loss my appetite and the “bad” weather had officially moved in. The double track goes on for a bit longer then there is a “off trail” section. This is a path used by snowmobiles in winter but in summer it is not trail or path it is undergrowth. I enjoy walking my bike as I am able to use different muscles and stretch out my back a bit. I cross the marsh trying not to get my feet wet or fall. This is when I started to ask myself, what am I doing on bike out here. Thankfully the section was not long and Mike rode up at the end. He said, “You are two minutes behind second place!” I did not believe Mike, he must have missed a lady or two. Mike saying that pulled me into the race mode! I did stop to put on my rain paints as my legs were starting to get wet and knew that I was in for a fun descent off the mountain. I was able to eat a Kate’s Bar but was running low on food. I felt fine but I knew that I had created a hole that I was probably going to catch up with me before the end.

I arrive the valley floor at about mile 90, 30 miles left. I know this is go time but my tank was starting to run low. I was warm and enjoying riding. I have no idea how hard it was raining, all I recall is that it was wet. I arrive at the last aid station. Jay, Mike, Kellie, and a few other races are there. I grab two GUs packets a bit of water and I am out. I knew that if I stopped I would cool down and make life harder. As it turned out I passed a number of riders there, I had no idea, I was in go mode. I had 17 miles mostly flat but a few small climbs. I take off before Kellie, she quickly catches me. I pull in front of her but she pushes harder. I knew I could not maintain that pace for 17 miles on what I had in the gas tank. I was able to keep her in sight for about 5 miles. My belly starts to cramp. I try to keep a good pace but the small climbs zap me. I pass the spot where I first met Mike and bird sang, my heart warmed. I made the turn for Chick Creek, I thought back to Fat Pursuit when I towed in two friends of mine how much fun that ride was. On this ride I was solo, pushing myself no hooting and hollering of joy of the insanity. The last turn was on to a road with large pot holes that were filled with water. My speed dropped and the pain increased. I crossed the line at 11 hours and 2 minutes. Tracey and Eric were there and she said that I placed third! I earned a belt bucket! I cried. I came into the Pursuit wanting to finish and somehow it turned into something more.

Ben Weaver a fellow traveler wrote a poem titled Digging Hearts and read it us before the start of the race. The last stanza struck me:

These digging hearts pull a thread 
through our stories
they make us a community of adventurers 
rather than lone lost conquerors 
may we never stop feeding them 
may they never stop digging 
never stop pushing us to our infinite limits,
may we all be unified in this pursuit
at the edge of this island wilderness,
in Jay P’s backyard 
may we all ride forward.


Other thoughts:
I rode my Ti Vaya bike. Jay fitted me for it 5 years ago when I rode across the country. Of my bikes this one holds the closest place to my heart.

I am starting realize that I am decent at climbing.

Eat and drink more than you think you should. Every bite and drink will help prevent digging a hole. 

Aaron Gardner's plan works, show up to finish do not worry about placing, it works! 

10 Months Later...

Tomorrow is the 120 mile Gravel Pursuit, I have the same feelings that I did ten months ago before my first Fat Pursuit. What in the heck am I doing, why? Then, the Fat Pursuit was one my favorite and by far hardest day on my bike. Conditions were challenging to say the least. The Gravel Pursuit weather outlook is almost as grim as it was the Fat Pursuit. Why I am excited about tomorrow? Maybe my screws are loose or I have extra coocoo in my clock. After the Fat Pursuit last year, I was so inspired. I saw and felt something I do not often feel. I saw how resilient humans can be. I am not sure how many days I biked but I only skied two days. I had friends texted me, it snowed three feet you must be skiing, nope I went for ride.  I rode to grow my resilience. In August, I moved in with my sweetie (who I met at the Fat Pursuit 😊), the move took more than I expected. My motivation to ride was very low. I started to question this Pursuit, would I be able to do it? Should I do? My last race did not go as planned and took me month to recover.  Last week, it snowed over a foot in the mountains. Snow typically means skiing. A group of us were getting ready to go ski, my heart was not excited to ski. Mike asked if I would like to go for a fat bike ride. My heart instantly lit up. As I pulled water bottles to fill I grabbed my winter ones and I started to dance with joy. That was the moment I knew that I was ready for this challenge. Tomorrow without a doubt will challenge me to the core but I know it will make a better person. 

Bridges

Bridges

I am going to be honest, riding bridges freaks me out. Years ago, I was on climbing and biking trip in Squamish and Whistler. My friend was new to riding, we found ourselves on trail with lots of bridges that were close to the ground. Most bridges I walked. I think as the day went on I walked more and more. I regressed in my bridge fear. I get in my head about certain features, such as bridges or creek crossings. When I see a bridge my gut reaction is negative. When I do ride a bridge today, I ALWAYS think don’t fall off or it is going to really bad. There are too many bridges in the Tetons, which is mostly good. The downside, it is skill that I can ignore. Over the years I have gotten a bit better, I ride many bridges but I am still freaked out. Shark’s Belly trail has a few bridges. There are two bridges that are easy and the third is long split log bridge (which is sketchy to walk). Last summer I told myself I would work on riding the bridges. I made up silly excuses  not work on my goal such as I am working a backpacking trip in 4 weeks, I can’t get hurt. I never really tried to ride these. Last week, I rode Shark’s Belly for the first time this season. I approached the split log bridge, felt great, and rode with confidence! I hooted and hollered at the end.  I rode the other two bridges fine! The small yet steep and muddy creek crossing I walked, progress. 

What I have learned, I am working on the negative voices in my head. Keep working on visualizing me riding. Be compassionate with myself, it is ok to be a work in progress as long I am working. We all have strength and growth points it is good to acknowledge both. I am good and enjoy long rides. I am working on riding bridges without freaking out. Riding the bridges on Shark’s Belly is step in my progress and with that I celebrate the progress that I made.

How to share a podium with Rebecca Rusch and Amy Stewart (two of the strongest ladies around)- show up. No really, I am not fast rider but I showed up. This past weekend I raced in Frosty Fat Bike Race in Sun Valley. I met Erin a few weeks ago, at a local race. She asked if anyone was going to the Frosty race. Just like in college when Thad asked if I had any plans for a weekend to go to race I said no, sure I will go. Both instances, I did not know what expect but went into with an open mind. I signed up for the women’s “expert” class, I wanted to do the longer distance having no idea what “expert” class meant.

I headed to Sun Valley. The conditions were looking good, cold and firm. The start of the race was about 5 degrees. The course was two loops about 10 miles each, big climb, down, then up a canyon with rolling hills. The cold dry air felt like a knife cutting my lungs. I was starting to pass folks towards the top. Started heading down the hill made it about half way. I heard one of my tires went flat. My thoughts were, this might take a while, it has been a long time since my last flat. I look at the tire and realize that I had not closed the valve when I added air before the race. Blonde moment, check! Then, relief that there was a chance the seal was good. Several minutes later I was on my way not having to replace the tube. Most of the pack had passed me. I set a goal not to be the last person racing, the last two races I was the last person.

The weather was just lovely. The riding was gorgeous. I reached my goal as I passed two people. At the awards I realized that I could podium. I enjoy races for the chance to push myself. As it turned out I showed up and placed third of three. I had a feeling the Rebecca Rush would be at her hometown race. I figured that a few other strong locals would show up, they stayed at home. Yes, I have been riding and working hard this winter with the goal of being able to rider further. For this race, I showed up, I made huge mistake that cost me about 10 minutes, kept going and podiumed. Once again, I learned the lesson of showing up. Showing up can be hard however, the reward can be even sweeter.